Flirting in the digital age: swiping right and being more daring

“flirt with someone” What is this? Our fathers and grandfathers still engaged in “live” courtship, but what about people from 18 to 35? Do they still dare to get close to someone or would they rather play it safe with the help of dating apps? Singles coach Perla van Bell and researcher at AP Hogeschool Lara Hallam offers explanations and advice: “Stop chatting! If it takes too long, unrealistic expectations arise.

Is the success of dating apps fading? After all, a dutch study showed that the success of dating apps like Tinder It does not lead to further relationships. Maybe we should move on He lives Flirting, by addressing someone on the street or in a bar? tasting Old school Just like our parents used to do. Or going on a blind date with the brother of an acquaintance’s hairstylist. This way you won’t have to text back and forth for weeks and will quickly notice if there is a click. It sounds good, but we are now used to addressing each other via Instagram or a well-thought-out dating site Attractive Our opening sentence He lives Flirting may be forgotten a bit. Is it still appreciated if I stop someone on the street to strike up a conversation? Do singles still meet spontaneously?

“The real life “Connection is very important,” says Singlescotch Perla Van Bell. “I organized all kinds of events for singles before Corona and really enjoyed observing how first contacts were made. Now such events are becoming more frequent. It always starts with two camps, one men’s team and one women’s team. And even at an event like this, where you know everyone is single and eager to chat, there is A handicap. Sometimes they catch a glimpse of the other camp, but – literally – making a move on someone interesting is hard. Surely doing it on the street or in a bar isn’t easy for many.”

Don’t make it too hard on yourself

Flirting is not an exact science and everyone is different. However, according to Van Bell, there is a universal starting point: “Eye contact! If you’re celibate, you automatically look around and eye contact for a few seconds is a perfect start. That’s the least intrusive. Then when that person looks back, you’re gone. In The pub, for example, you can walk past, get a little closer and do the same when the other person is about to order something.Standing together at the bar, you can talk about something obvious in an accessible way.about the location, the music, the drink…

Don’t start out with the idea that you have to go home with someone that evening. Not looking for a date, but for a nice chat and see what comes up. Also, don’t spend too much time with someone you don’t click with. If you notice after a few minutes that it is not the one End the conversation and enjoy your evening.

Van Belle believes that you can register if you talk to someone in an informal way. And I don’t mean between the sheets. Sign up if you can talk to someone, have a drink together and exchange numbers.”

On the street we raise the barricade on ourselves. Everyone has headphones on and is busy with themselves. “We don’t look around enough,” says Van Bell. “Not even the gym, which is a perfect meeting place. Take those headphones off anyway and, if appropriate, talk to someone. You shouldn’t be looking for a topic of conversation if you have the same hobby.”

Online predictions are different from online predictions.

Fishing in the Tinder Sea

He lives Turns out, flirting or flirting is reserved for the adventurous. Fortunately, there are tools for the more reserved: social media and dating apps. An app like this is a boundary breaker for making first contact, but stop chatting at the right time! Tell us a little about yourself, find out if there’s a click and meet each other. Getting to know each other completely through a dating app is prattlesays Van Bell, laughing. Dating Scholar Laura Hallam Totally agree. “On the Internet, body language, which is the bulk of communication, disappears. On top of that, you get a distorted image of the other person, so it can only be disappointing when you finally meet.”

despite of He lives Attraction is on the rise again, and dating apps are still very popular. “It remains a nice way to ‘meet’ a lot of people. I found my boyfriend on a dating app myself,” says Lara. “Without that help I would never have met him, because he lived so far away. The app simply expands the options.” Of course you have to put some effort into your profile. Some images and data are attractive and others are best avoided. “Show who you really are. If you’re not adventurous and like to watch Netflix on the couch over the weekend, put that on your profile. There are a lot of fish in the sea of ​​Tinder and a lot of people looking for the same thing as you.”

BAM! You have a match. What now? Of course you want to make a good impression on this person. On the street you don’t have to be very creative and a simple “hello” will suffice. Online, the bar is a little higher. “It’s a funny difference that online expectations differ from those offline,” says Hallam. A simple title is seen as boring. Dating app users expect creative responses to their photos or bios. Photos of travel and pets prove to be good conversation starters.”

Once you’ve set the tone, carry on with the conversation. Lara Hallam has a little bit of that, too What to do and what not to do. “Show interest in your interlocutor. It should not be an interview, but ask about their day, work and the craziest stories. Also show initiative and tell about your life. Expose yourself a little and Harasses until a date. You can really get to know each other there. Avoid turning the conversation into a crying wall by sharing your annoyances, other dates, and your ex. “It’s weird that I mention this, but you’d be shocked at how many people make that mistake,” says Lara Hallam, laughing.